I have a confession to make. It’s not even anything bad or shameful. In fact, it’s not embarrassing in the least (not for me, anyway). It’s just shitty. Except I hate saying it out loud (er, on blog?) because that means it’s true and the truth is sad. Guys, I’m lactose intolerant. I realized it at some point in my early 20s — and who knows? Maybe that’s when my body decided it had no place for dairy. Anyway, it’s a real fucking bummer because I love soft cheeses and creamy French sauces and the ice cream flavors nobody else ever wants, like vanilla and pistachio and black charcoal when I’m feeling kinda weird. Of course, sometimes I just eat (or drink) whatever the fuck I want and deal with the consequences later (but not too much later). Other times, I remember that I can use alternative milks, which sometimes work out just as well, if not better than, the original. Case in point: This Bourbon Coconut Milk Punch.
Bourbon Milk Punch is a whole thing in New Orleans, and like most classic, beloved cocktails, everyone seems to have their own way to make it. The variations I’ve seen involve different ratios of milk to bourbon, a little rum here or there, and sugar versus simple syrup. My way — swapping canned coconut milk for cow’s milk and also adding a little cinnamon — is probably blasphemous, but you know what? Sometimes blasphemy is better than shitting your brains out.
This drink is perfectly creamy, but it won’t upset your stomach. It’s also not too sweet, and I’m not even afraid to make it ahead and keep it in the fridge for a minute. Just be sure to use straight coconut milk, the kind from the can. And before you start mixing the drink, the milk in the can needs to be fully mixed. That’s because unless it’s been stored in a warm place, it separates with the fat rising to the top. So be sure to shake or stir it really well (but probably both) to ensure it’s smooth and creamy before you start putting together your Bourbon Coconut Milk Punch.
Bourbon Coconut Milk Punch
2 ounces bourbon
3 ounces full-fat coconut milk (from the can, yo!)
1 tablespoon simple syrup
1 teaspoon good vanilla extract
Hefty pinch ground cinnamon
Dainty pinch freshly-grated nutmeg
Add all of the ingredients to a cocktail shaker or wide-mouth mason jar with a handful of ice. Shake the shit out of it, then strain into whatever pretty little cocktail glass your dear heart desires.
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