Oh, hi. I can’t even believe it, but there are a few (a couple?) days left in February and I somehow managed to get your free printable March 2018 calendar done! And contrary to what you might expect from someone as festive as I, this calendar isn’t all shamrocks and leprechauns. In fact, you won’t find any of that shit on it (unless you include the little clover I put in the March 17 box). That’s because there’s more to the third month of the year than corned beef and green beer. But honestly, it’s mostly because I kind of hate St. Patrick’s Day. As I said in one of my very first posts on this here blog, it’s just a “holiday” Americans use as an excuse to get shit faced, barf in the street, and swap vom-flavored spit with horny dudes wearing “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirts. And you know I’m all for getting drunk and making out, but I prefer to do it in the comfort of my own home and avoid the vomit, crowds, and drunk drivers.
No, instead of all that fucking festivity, you get another vision of March: An array pretty little spring flowers in mustard and pink tones. And because I am fully aware of the fact that most personal printers are total shit (seriously, why has printer technology not improved since 1999?) and some people like to hoard their color ink (that shit’s expensive, I get it) I’ve made this one available in color and black and white. You’ll get both files with your “purchase.”
As always, the calendar is free and as you may or may not know by now, the only catch is that you need to “buy” the file from my store before you can download and print it. You don’t have to pay any money or give any credit card info or anything like that. Nope, you just have to plug your information into some little boxes. But I promise I won’t sell your email address, or stalk you, and if you create an account it makes it really easy to download it next time — as well as go back and re-download your previous purchases. Some people plug fake information into those boxes, and while it is slightly annoying, as long as you follow me on Instagram in return, I don’t really give a fuck. But if you do plug in firstname.lastname@example.org, you won’t get the email with your download links or my newsletter (you know — when I finally get my shit together enough to do it in, like, three years). So there.
And, really, don’t forget to follow me on Instagram. Honor system. Don’t be a dick.