Boozy Roséggs for a Grown-Up Easter

roséggs rosé jello eggsHey, remember last year, when I made fancy, boozy rhubarb jello eggs for Easter? And they were a huge pain in the ass to get out of the molds? And they kind of looked like penis heads? Well, I pretty much swore off doing that ever again, but because I’m a sucker (actually, mostly because I came up with the most amazing name ever) I bought a ton of molds I hated, and trashed my kitchen twice to make Roséggs — rosé jello eggs (with gin, and no actual Jell-O).

Like last year’s fancy-ass eggs, these Roséggs are fucking amazing. Like if frosé and jello shots had an egg baby. But because I can’t seem to make a jello egg that doesn’t look like some part of the human anatomy, the first round I made kind of look liked boobs. Or maybe just breast implants. That’s because this year, I decided to forgo the hard plastic egg-shaped Jell-O molds in favor of silicone candy molds, which create half eggs that are flat on bottom. I got big molds, and little molds, and even some egg-shaped molds with easter egg “design” on them. Unfortunately, I lined the molds with cooking spray, which gave the eggs a weird texture. And the big ones looked like big boobs with weird texture, and the little ones looked like little boobs with weird texture, and everything I tried to take out of then damn “designed” molds just fucking fell apart. So I tried again. For my second round, I poured the entire concoction into a jelly roll pan lined with parchment paper, then cut the eggs out with a small egg-shaped cookie cutter. Getting the pan from the counter to the fridge without a spill was harrowing, but that was definitely the best route (even though I’d skip the parchment next time and just lightly grease the pan).

roséggs rosé jello eggsSadly, I left them out too long during my boozy shoot before getting a good closeup so I don’t have a Glamour Shot, and the ones you see here are my rejects. Oops. Maybe I’ll make them one more time before Easter. Just for the ‘Gram. In the meantime, here I am holding a tray of Roséggs.

roséggs rosé jello eggsI hope I didn’t scare you off there. You should definitely make these Roséggs. How you mold (or cut) them is really player’s choice. You could use the old-fashioned hard molds and get about 18 eggs. Or use big or little silicone molds and get a bunch of boob eggs and put them in cute little wooden spoons like I did (because I always buy them and never have a use for them) or pour your rosé goo into a sheet pan and use a cookie cutter to get your egg shapes. Whatever you do, definitely keep them refrigerated until you’re ready to serve, because if that shit gets too warm, it will melt and you’ll be really fucking sad.

Roséggs – Boozy Rosé Jello Eggs


2 cups strawberry syrup
8 packets powdered gelatin
1 cup fresh-squeezed Meyer lemon juice, strained
¼ cup sugar
1½ cups gin
2 cups brut (or some kind of bubbly) rosé


Spray your egg molds or sheet pan with cooking spray (or lightly grease it since that spray shit leaves a weird texture) and set aside.

Warm the strawberry syrup in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat. Before it reaches a boil, reduce the heat to low and whisk in the gelatin, one packet at a time. Continue to whisk for about 2 to 3 minutes, dissolving as much gelatin as possible. Add the lemon juice, and whisk, then the sugar, and whisk for another minute or two, until the sugar is fully dissolved.

Pour the mixture through a mesh strainer (to catch the clumps of gelatin) into a large mixing bowl. Whisk in the gin, then the rosé. Let the mixture sit for a few minutes so some of the bubbles subside. Then fill the prepared egg molds (or sheet pan) with the liquid mixture.

Refrigerate for 5 hours or overnight, and cross your fingers that shit comes out of whatever mold you use.

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Shiny Shit You Can Make: Metallic Sharpie Easter Eggs

posted in: Crafts, Easter, Holidays

metallic sharpie easter eggs

Oh, hi! I’m back with yet another Easter craft — yes, more eggs! — that needs no tutorial. So instead, I’m going to give you some pretty pictures and smart-ass comments and let you take it from there. I mean, isn’t that what lifestyle blogging is all about? Inspiration and aspiration and all that shit? I think so. Fuck. I really hope I’m doing this right.

metallic sharpie easter eggs

Anyway, as you can probably deduce from the pictures and headline, these are metallic Sharpie Easter eggs. You dye eggs, then draw on them with metallic Sharpies. The end. But not really the end. Because I’m going to tell you some more things. Like, that even though I fucking love (like, stupid, ridiculous love) Sharpies, for this project the metallic Bic markers work better. And that metallic markers definitely need a little time to dry, so once you draw on half of an egg, chill the fuck out for, like, five minutes before turning it and decorating the other side. Move on to another egg, or have a drink, or give yourself a cute gold temporary Easter-themed tattoo.

metallic sharpie easter eggs

Also, if you think I freehanded the stripes, you’re sweet. I can’t draw a straight line to save my life, and especially not around a fucking oval. But I love stripes—at least half of my shirts are striped!—so I knew there had to be a way. And there was! I put a small rubber band on the egg to use as a guide. In case you’re wondering how small, think: the rubber band that comes on a bunch of broccolini; turns out it’s also the perfect size for an egg. (And, yes, I realize I just used a colon and a semi-colon in the same sentence. While I’m really starting to question that decision, I think I’m going to roll with it.) Just remember to let that shit dry before you take off the rubber band. (Here’s another Easter-themed temporary tattoo idea to keep you busy while you wait.)

metallic sharpie easter eggs

So, if that’s it, I guess I’ll just leave you with some more aspirational BS like live your best life and be authentic and I believe in you. And drink a green smoothie. Or maybe a matcha latte.

Okay, I’m off to forage my dinner in a chunky neutral sweater and duck boots. Until next time!

metallic sharpie easter eggs

P.S. If you live in Kansas City and want to make these with me while sipping on beer cocktails, join me for Paper Crafts + Boozy Drafts: Easter Egg Edition at Boulevard Brewing Company on Wednesday, March 28.

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The Making of ‘The Cave Egg’

posted in: Crafts, Easter

cave egg diorama how to food network magazine missouriLate last year, I got an email from an editor at Food Network Magazine asking me to decorate an Easter egg for the April issue. They were planning to feature an egg from each of the 50 states, and I was pleased as punch to be the chosen Missouri crafter (and a little surprised, considering my, er, colorful language).

Obviously, I was super into it from the get-go, but to be honest, the initial concept was a bit of a challenge. I had a hard time coming up with something that screamed “Missouri!” that wasn’t super city specific. Yes, everyone knows Kansas City barbecue, the St. Louis Arch, and Branson’s flashy everything. But other than weird weather, rivers (boring!), and I-70 (the most boring), there’s not a ton that ties the whole state together. I was seriously about to go with some tired-ass riverboat theme, but then I remembered that Missouri is the goddamn Cave State (seriously, my state is home to more than 6,000 caves) and I love making dioramas, so I pitched the idea of hollowing out an egg to make it into a tiny little baby cave. It took a little work to convince them to let me go this route (especially since I’d never actually made a diorama inside of an egg shell before). And yes, I broke more than a few eggs in the process. But I eventually figured out how to cut into and reinforce the shell, and somehow even managed to overnight my delicate little diorama to the Hearst offices in New York without a ding.

egg diorama food network magazine

I encourage you to pick up a copy, because while mine may be the weirdest, there are some straight up works of art in there. And should you want to make a diorama egg yourself, it it’s actually pretty easy, as long as you’re not in a hurry — because it’s mostly a whole lot of sitting around waiting for paint to dry. Oh, and you’re going to break a lot of eggs at first, so you should probably just be prepared to make a frittata or something.

Now, before I get to the tutorial, my vanity (including my futile attempts to appear like one of those Instagram moms with long, pale fingers) has compelled me to point out that:

  • These step-by-step pictures were taken immediately following my smash cake Blogiversary photo session. I only mention this because while, yes, I have kind of reddish fat fingers anyway, sugar causes me some issues with inflammation including puffy fingers.
  • As of this exact moment, I’m now using all my fancy serums and creams on my hands, because damn.
  • Since I just talked about my inflammation, it’s probably time to accept that my hands probably aren’t getting any younger. So somebody pass me the Metamucil already.

P.S. If you’re interested in decorating (much easier) Easter eggs with me and you live in or around Kansas City, join me at Boulevard Brewing Company on Wednesday, March 28 for the Easter egg edition of my Paper Crafts + Boozy Drafts event series.

how to make a diorama egg

How to Make a Diorama Egg

To make the base for a diorama egg, you’ll need:

  • Eggs (I mean, you technically only need one, but you should definitely start with a full dozen)
  • A pencil
  • A thumbtack or X-Acto knife
  • Cuticle clippers or small, very sharp scissors
  • A small paintbrush
  • Matte Finish Mod Podge

If you want to recreate The Cave Egg, you’ll also need:

  • Green paint
  • Black paint
  • Some really strong glue that will probably give you cancer
  • Tiny pieces of raw quartz or other crystals/rocks
  • Fake moss

Step-by-Step Instructions

1. Draw a rough approximation of the area you’d like to cut. Apparently you need to do this with a very dull pencil. (Sober me totally would have insisted on a very sharp pencil for this picture, by the way. Drunk me clearly didn’t give a fuck.)

how to make a diorama egg2. Firmly but carefully perforate the line (or the area fairly close to it) with a thumb tack or tip of the X-Acto knife. The X-Acto knife actually works much better, but you’re less likely to cut off the tip of your finger with the thumb tack so you should probably just go that route. Anyway, the perforation will keep the shell from cracking too much when you cut into it.

how to make a diorama egg3. Starting at one of the perforation points, use cuticle clippers or very small, sharp scissors to make the first cut in the egg. Keep clipping — following the perforation with small, delicate cuts — until you’ve made it all the way around. And just to be honest: You’re probably going to screw up steps 2 and 3 a few times until you figure out the perfect pressure for perforation and clipping. But that’s okay and like I said, you can make a frittata, or even just salvage the whites for a delicious Rhubarb Whiskey Sour.

how to make a diorama egg4. At this point, you’ll want to carefully rinse out the egg, and possibly kind of roll the inner membrane out with your fingertip if you feel it in there (if not, don’t worry about it). Then set the egg in a safe place to let it dry completely.

5. Once the egg is fully dry, inside and out, give the inside a coat of matte finish Mod Podge. Let that dry (at least to the touch, about 20 minutes minimum) then coat the outside as well. This reinforces the shell and the somewhat precarious opening you just created, making the whole thing less susceptible to cracking. The Mod Podge also acts like a primer, creating a nice base for paint. Once the Mod Podge is dry, you can turn your egg into any old tiny diorama your little heart desires. If you’re interested in recreating The Cave Egg, keep reading.

how to make a diorama egg6. Now it’s time to paint the egg. I chose green for the outside and black for the inside (because cave). Like with the Mod Podge, you’ll want to let the paint dry on one part before moving onto the next. (See? I told you this was a whole lot of waiting.)

diorama egg how to7. When the paint is completely dry, you can begin gently gluing your small stones inside the egg (I used E6000, which is a super-strong craft glue that’s probably going to turn me into a giant cancer). At first I’d planned to just put stones on the bottom, but then I remembered learning about stalactites and stalagmites in fourth or fifth grade, and decided I needed some quartz on top, too. I’m still debating whether or not this was a good idea — especially since my demo egg (not the one in the mag) looks kind of like the mouth of a monster badly in need of dental work. If you do decide to add some rocks hanging from the top, definitely make sure the ones on bottom are fully dry so you can let the top stones dry glue-side down (more waiting for shit to dry, I know).

8. Finally, glue some fake moss to the outside of your egg to make it all earthy and shit.

stalactites and stalagmitesCongratulations! If you’ve made it this far, you’ve just read the world’s most detailed tutorial for a craft you’ll probably never make. Still, I’m so glad you stopped by. And see what I mean about the monster mouth? Luckily, this was just my demo egg, and Food Network Magazine has the nicer one that looks much more like an actual cave.

diorama egg how to

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Festive AF is 1! Let’s Get Smashed!

posted in: Other Fun Shit

Holy shit, you guys! Festive AF is an entire year old today. I mean, if you want to get technical about it, I bought the URL (well, and reserved the Instagram handle years ago, but I made my first post exactly one year ago today.

I was bumming after the inauguration, and couldn’t quite get out of my funk. So I told my friend Monte, “I’ve been talking about doing this for years. I’m either going to do it this week and it’s going to be a thing, or I’m not going to do it and I’m going to give up on the idea.” So I put up a fucking post and made it a fucking thing. And I’m really glad I did! Is it exactly where I thought it would be now? Not even close. I was sure I’d have 10,000 Instagram followers and even be making some decent income from it at this point. I’ll blame all of that on Instagram’s stupid algorithm, and not my fabulous content (or the fact that I don’t post as often as I should since I now have a big-girl job — well, if you count being the world’s oldest social media manager as a big-girl job). But, hey! It definitely got me out of my funk, I’m hosting badass events, I get to spend more time than I should making crafts and cocktails, and I’m even making a liiiiittle bit of money.

To celebrate, I decided to do a little smash cake photo session. And, yes, I absolutely matched my cake to my lipstick and my champagne (well, brut rosé) to my shoes. So there.

Thank you so fucking much for following along, and for sticking around.

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

emily farris festive af smash cake session

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Photos: Grace Pritchett for Westwork Content + Design // Styling + Art Direction: Emily Farris for Festive AF // Cake: Dolce

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Quick! Make this Vanilla Old Fashioned While It’s Still Winter

posted in: Cocktails

vanilla old fashioned recipe Unlike people who actually make money on their blogs, I don’t have an editorial calendar, and I don’t really work ahead. In fact, last Thursday, I was just wandering around the grocery store, waiting for something to inspire my Friday cocktail. It turned out to be a two-pack of vanilla beans for 14 fucking dollars. I decided right then and there I’d make a vanilla Old Fashioned, since Vanilla is perfect with both orange and bourbon. And I figured now’s the time since winter is almost over. (I also thought it was a pretty unique idea — that is until I got home and googled it just not make sure. Nope. Not unique at all. Oh, well.)

Anyway, Friday turned into a long day of taking pictures for people who do pay me, and I saved my cocktail for last. I just couldn’t get a picture I liked. So, I said “fuck it” and posted a ridiculous shot to Instagram with a promise that the recipe would follow soon. I mean, since nobody is paying me I can skip a week whenever I damn well please, thank you very much.

But, I like to keep my promises, so here’s my recipe for a Vanilla Old Fashioned. The thing that sets mine apart from the variations I found online is Licor 43, a sweet Spanish liqueur with notes of citrus and vanilla. I first tried to make a pretty standard Old Fashioned and add a quarter teaspoon of Madagascar Bourbon Vanilla extract, but that just wasn’t doing it for me. Then I remembered I had a bottle of Licor 43 on my bar. I bought it thinking I’d use it around the holidays but it never quite worked in anything I was making. Well, it fucking works for this. Get it. vanilla old fashioned recipe

Vanilla Old Fashioned


¼ ounce simple syrup
4 dashes orange bitters
2 ounces bourbon
¼ teaspoon good vanilla extract (not that cheap shit)
½ ounce Licor 43
Orange twist or vanilla bean, for garnish


Add the simple syrup, bitters, bourbon, vanilla extract, and Licor 43 to a mixing glass with a handful of ice. Stir and strain into an Old Fashioned glass. Add one large ice cube (or another handful of ice). Garnish with an orange twist or vanilla bean and enjoy!

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